Are we there yet? Part I

Poker went late into Saturday night so after picking up the rental car first thing in the morning it was time for a breakfast power nap which ran long and became a brunch snooze then eventually turned into a sleep fest going past lunch. So the best laid plans to leave Seattle at noon transitioned into Plan B of starting to get packed by the time we should have been in Tacoma. After getting rested up it was time to start loading up the pack mule. All of the supplies that were carefully staged in compact organized stacks somehow blossomed into a big sloppy pile of gear in the back half of the car. I think trying to quickly load the car aided in that transformation. Nevertheless, everything finally made it into the car and a vision pops into my mind of when the Grinch is surveying a overloaded sled packed to the gills with Whoville presents. I shake my head in disbelief that people can actually hike-camp carrying everything they need to a remote location. Car-camping I could understand but hike-camping? Hmmm. I did my standard paranoia sweep through my place to make sure that I didn't forget anything...or at least anything critical.

A mere five hours behind schedule, the car is finally moving in a southerly direction. I'm not going to criticize anyone's driving but let's just say that before we got past Burien I have mentally assessed the agency's collision insurance, my health insurance coverage, and my life insurance policy. Deciding that ignorance is bliss, I figure it is better for me to get more shut eye for when it's my turn to drive and so I don't see any more close calls. Invoking my sleep anywhere/anytime superpower, I close my eyes and I'm out like a light. Then before too long I am jarred awake by an expletive laced tirade. I straighten up in my seat and am expecting to see another vehicle in very close proximity to the car but I can't tell what is going on. I swivel my head around trying to pick up the incoming bogey but the radar is clear. Violette then elaborates and manages to utter the word "Bike!" and I focus on the bike rack in the back which is now down to about one and a half bikes mounted. While I was sleeping a passing motorist had pulled up alongside and pointed to the rack to alert Violette that one of the bikes had worked it's way loose and was only being held on by one mount. The nice bike too as Murphy's law would have it. I am trying to keep an eye on the bike and also make sure that we navigate safely to a shoulder. Violette is trying to get over to the right shoulder from the fast lane and I suggest we pull over to the left shoulder just as the bike works it's way completely off the rack. A split second later I am expecting to see a seventy mile per hour metal tumbleweed following us down the road but after we pull over I find that the bike lock that I had thrown on as a lark was miraculously suspending the bike a few inches above the pavement. Somehow I have built up enough close call karma points that there is no physical evidence of any of the near disasters of the past hour.

After re-securing the bikes as best as possible, we head on down the road looking for an auto-supply store or some place that would have bungy cords when what shows up just off the highway but the welcome sight of an REI store. Yahtzee. We pull off on the next off-ramp and drive up to our salvation...ten minutes after it closed. My brain types a color and an open parenthesis. But in no time it hits the backspace key twice as we find a dollar store in the adjacent strip mall. I run in and ask the clerk if they carry bungy cords. "Aisle six." I head down there and sure enough a display peg is loaded with three-packs of various length bungy cords. Perfect. I pull one off the peg then think just to be safe I'll take two packs. I instinctively flip the product over to look for a price tag and it takes me a couple of seconds to add up the clues of a) missing price tag and b) dollar store. Got it. Genius: in the house. In short order we bust open the packaging and start strapping the hell out of the bikes. I am hooking up the first bungy cord and as I interlock both high quality plastic hooks...Snap! Plastic hook breaks. It's as if these cheapo cords were only worth 33 and a third cents apiece (before tax). I am careful to not over-stress the remaining cords and the bikes are once again secure. After the slight detour, re-packaging of the bikes, and a quick fast food pit stop we are back on the road.

I break out my laptop to look up the directions that I got from my burner vet friend for the route that he recommends. I wasn't thrilled about bringing a computer to the desert but I don't have a printer and having run out of time I just saved the map information onto the disk and took the laptop with me. I boot it up and open the map so I can find out what our next landmark is and the map page, even though I saved it to disk, still tries to reference the Internet. When it can't find the server the map does not redraw correctly so the file is useless. Note to self: buy printer. I fall back to using my phone and pull up Google maps and plot out a vanilla route instead. We are going to head south on I-5, cruise through Portland, hang a left at Eugene, drive through Klamath Falls, hit Alturas CA and from there we are within striking distance of Gerlach NV then the Burning Man site. Course is set, just need to keep the odometer turning.